Dancing

So recently I have been learning how to dance properly (it would be my third lesson this week), and so I am feeling quite happy and I shall be documenting my progress as time goes by. The instructor, whose name is also Sarah, is teaching us  few steps at a time, and this is as far as it goes at this point of time. 

I did a bit of chinese dance when I was younger, and recently I've also tried Zumba. It is a fantastic, fast paced dance, though I feel I would like something more controlled. Hence, I am trying contemporary dance, and I am enjoying myself so far. I bought a Groupon, HAHA. 

That's all from me for now. 

Till the next time!

Much love.

Updates

Dear Jaspreet (Jas-per-ree-too),

It has been almost four weeks since the day. Photos remain, your number is still in my phone. I saw Shao Jie the other day, at the bus stop opposite the library. I know, I know. I looked back at some of the things that Ching posted.. Some neoprints (gosh. I cringed) of us on Fb. You commented in January that we should take them again. I think that kind of did it for me, you know. 

I don't know what possessed me to start looking through photograph after photograph of you. You didn't know, did you? You couldn't have known. How could someone who wanted to do so much could have wanted to go so soon? 

I still don't understand. I don't understand how simply taking my work out to mark can trigger such a response. I have been tearing for the past hour now. Tearing is an understatement.

We all miss you so much. 

I know this because we do things like comment on your pictures and like them, and post on your wall and write blog posts dedicated to you (well, that's probably just me). We declare publicly how much we miss you (and sometimes say how much we will miss you, because you are still with us, and we do not miss you as yet). 

But more than anything, I know this because we do nothing. We stay silent and retreat into our little worlds where you are always with us, and where we can be with you and laugh and smile with you. Where we share our private thoughts with you, where we had private moments. Special moments that we do not wish to declare publicly, because we do not want to share them with anyone else. 

We still laughed about Dr Jia Jia. Surely that could not have been too long ago? These little time stamps help me remember, you know? 

Everything is jumbled up now. 

Azimah and I are going to watch Dirty Dancing on the opening night. Quite excited about that!

I'm keeping my hair long. I know I always say that.. This time I mean it. 

Ching is on holiday with Shin.. The pictures look great! Hehe. Azm, Ching and I are going on our own little trip in June to Bali. Unfortunately, my passport would have expired by then, so I had to make a new one. Hence, delaying the process of booking a flight. Well, at least we haven't missed the flight, ey.

Ok, this is all there is to update.. Ohyeah. Have not seen Faisal or Fat or Fux in a bit. But I am sure they are doing good. Firdaus' sister is getting married already. Unfortunately, we are not invited. Not even Azimah. I don't know why I said that. Heh. I guess that is all for now.

Love

Sarah

Grief in so many forms

I'm scrambling and trying to stay positive, but I miss you so much, dearest Jaspreet. I am afraid of moving forward and leaving you behind. I think about the people I used to hang around, and how I sometimes don't even think about them anymore. I don't want it to be like this with you.

I'm constantly moving forward (there really isn't much of a choice, and admittedly I have been making the most of it), and I'm focusing on my kids, and building up my strength and on meeting people I haven't seen in ages, and listening to their stories.. some of which you really must hear!

Ching and I miss you terribly. Azm too. I'm pretty sure Faisal misses you very much. It's like this great cloud hanging over us.

The other day at morning assembly the P announced that one of the students from the 11 batch passed away two weeks ago. He suffered a cardiac arrest, and he was a boy well loved by everyone (isn't that how everyone is remembered?). The P then read a message from his friends and family, Some of his friends were there, and it was heart-wrenching to see them; I couldn't look.

You could hear gentle sobs among the staff, and I saw through my own teary eyes that some students were shaken and teary.

I thought of you, and this must have been what happened at your school. Some kind of public eulogy weeks after you left.

It's 3am, and I am remembering the coldness of your cheek when I kissed you goodbye. I am seeing you lying in your coffin.

I miss you, I miss you so much.

Ching said she will definitely talk about you at her wedding. She will want to tell everyone about you. You know what?  I'm going to Photoshop you into some of my wedding photos ok? The same way I photoshopped Firdaus into our clique photo. Heheh. Ok, I admit, I was tearing up quite badly. But after the photoshop comment it felt so much better.

Love.