The lesbian fantasy, blah blah.

So it seems that I am pretty hung up about this topic of feminism right now. And if I were still seeing this person from my past, he would probably say that this is "my current favourite topic.. and the only thing I ever talk about". Which probably won't be very far from the truth.

But this is the truth: Women have so much to live up to nowadays.

Not only do we have to want to be successful, and to look good while doing "womanly" things (or look "womanly" doing "non-womanly" things such as bodybuilding) we also have to be subjects of judgement from men, and other women too! Now, they have to "fake it" to be desirable to men? Oh, come on!

Previously I said that I will talk about the fantasy (and double standard mention in Jessica Valenti's book) about the lesbian fantasy, and how it is acceptable for guys to have a "fetish" for girl-on-girl action (only if both of them are hot, of course), but when it comes to gays, it's all CRINGE and GROSS.

I am going to try to start this with what I think is the reason for this. One word: Porn.

Or, pornography, if you prefer.
Pornography has made it okay, and arguably acceptable for them to have all these strange fantasies (though you could argue that it is a fantasy) but the part that irks, and bothers me is the representation of women, and of true lesbians.

I am not saying that these porn stars aren't true lesbians (they might be!). But this very act of hamming it up for the camera creates a rather saddening and dangerous trend that affects all other women too.

Recently, I was taken slightly back when one of the guys I used to go out with told me that he saw two girls kissing on the train, and he found it "hot". In my head the first thing I thought of was: What if it was two guys kissing? Would it still be hot?

The answer would, sadly, most likely be no.

And thankfully, I am no longer associated with that guy too, but I digress.
While hot lesbians (who look like heterosexual females putting on a show)are OK, gay guys, no matter how hot, are not. Think Broke back mountain jokes, and all other gay-centric jokes.

The worse thing is, I know more than one person with a hot lesbian fantasy. These guys assume that these lesbians would want to 'get it on' with them too. And they would like to be part of the action. (Yes, they imagine themselves in bed with lesbians..)

But what they probably don't realise is that, the real life lesbians are probably not a lot like those they imagine(I heard there is a terms for these type of "hot lesbians" called lipstick lesbians.. I'll get to that in a bit).

I hate to be the one to break it to you, guys, but if they're lesbians, what makes you think they'll be interested in having any sort of action with you in the first place? Did it not occur to you that they are lesbians?

I mentioned 'lipstick lesbians' earlier, and this is from wikipedia (I know I know, but it makes my point):

"...Lipstick lesbian is a slang term used to describe lesbian and bisexual women who exhibit feminine gender attributes, such as wearing make-up (thus, lipstick), wearing dresses or skirts and perhaps having other characteristics associated with feminine women.

In mainstream American films, lesbians are often portrayed according to the lipstick lesbian stereotype to be more sexually attractive to male viewers... Most female same-sex sex scenes in mainstream pornography are also portrayed in this way."

Wait wait.. Let's see that again:

"In mainstream American films, lesbians are often portrayed according to the lipstick lesbian stereotype to be more sexually attractive to male viewers"

What what.. WHAT? Making lesbians more sexually attractive to male viewers? What is up with that? And the whole point being what? That lesbians are females too, and therefore all things female, or at least, all things with vaginas belong to men?

Come on guys, you'd know better than that (I hope).

When we are not seeing straight, and when the world is viewed through the male-gaze (even if you are a woman), there really is something wrong.

I do get upset when women have to resort to being over-sexual, or desperately try to play out to every fantasy a guy might have.

So I say, if you are one of those with a "HLB" (hot lesbian fantasy), yet at the same time, cringe when you are see butches (yes! They exist! And they are REAL!) and other types of lesbians (unlike those in pornos and TV and in your fantasies), then please wake up.

Perhaps we all want to feel wanted, even by those who, in reality, do not desire us, thus we keep them in a certain light, and play up these fantasies to keep women in their place.. (to always want to be desirable to men).

There is so much more to talk about but then, if I did, I might never end!

So if you know someone who displays the double standard (lesbians ok/ gays nay) and you are sick of it, let them know! It is ok to be annoyed.. I very much am!

And if you are one of those with the fantasy, then maybe you should be more aware of the realities, and that porno is not real life. I know you know that. But I'm just saying.

Everyone is entitled to their fantasies, of course, I just won't let it go if this fantasy is unjust towards your treatment or view of either gender.

This is not a post about lesbianism, as that topic itself is so broad and there are so many aspects to be covered.. If I ever do. I do hope your view of the lesbian fantasy is a bit less hazy now, and that you do know that it is an image conjured by men for other men, with women's sexuality as a tool.

I will talk about the male-gaze and how it has affected me, personally, in my next post.

Till then, have a good day!

Gender issues

Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am not angry, and I am in fact, rather calm as I write this.

I am reading 'He's a stud, She's a slut and 49 other double standards that every woman should know' by Jessica Valenti and I think it is a very enlightening and wonderful book that illustrates a lot of the double standards that exist in society today (yes! They do exist!)
Some of these includes issues close to my heart, such as how men are allowed to do certain things, and behave in certain ways (any way they so please, actually, AND get away with it) while women have to contend with being labelled negatively or even judged.

I do think that a lot of gender stereotypes and sexism still exist, and they are more prevalent than you can realise. As such, I'd like to address some of them here
I'll look at two issues today, the first being:

Men are allowed to be alone , but if a woman does it, she's pathetic, or lonely.

Why is it that men are allowed to eat alone, and live alone and do things alone and no one will bat an eyelid. In fact, when a man does it, he's independent. Women, on the other hand, if doing anything alone, are perceived as 'strange' or 'loners', and if eating alone, is often seen as 'sad', and felt sorry for.

Sounds silly, doesn't it?

So make it stop! If you see someone, man OR woman eating, walking etc alone, just leave them alone! They might be enjoying a peaceful moment on their own, and your pity/ sympathy is not necessary. So carry on with your life, they will be fine and they probably are fine.

Now consider this:

Men get angry, but women have PMS.

You may chuckle at the thought, but is truer than you think (for me, at least). The only funny thing here is how when guys get angry it is serious. But when women get angry, it is assumed that it is alright to laugh it off, and all is ok.

All is NOT ok.

I have had guys tell me: "You look so cute when you are angry".. I didn't know it then, but now that I see it is indeed a form of sexism, because it is not respecting my right to be angry and to express my anger. And by doing so, I am not being taken seriously and it is disrespectful towards me.
How many times have I heard other girls trying to convince me (and themselves) that what they experience as anger is just PMS, or frustrations, which are nothing. Hello, since when was it ever wrong to be angry?

Don't give me the bullshit that women get angry more often than men. Or that they are more prone to anger, therefore their tempers should not be taken as seriously. I'm not talking about vapid airheads who throw tantrums and make unreasonable demands (BOTH girls and guys), but people like you and me.

I am not saying these feelings won't pass.. Of course they will. But I do not see why we have to apologise for emotions that both genders are entitled to!

So, I say we start to accept that it is our right to be angry whenever we want (with good reason, of course, and unless it really is PMS.). Do not feel apologetic or guilty for being angry (eg. 'it is against my nature..') If anyone tries to tell us that we are having PMS or that our anger is "dramatic" or silly, call them out on their bullshit.

To all those guys whom thought my genuine anger was cute, I regret not saying this before but this: f**k you and your sexist attitude!

I know some of you are going what's the big deal Sarah, are you having PMS? Why are you so angry, did someone do something to you?

If you are one of those, then you are completely missing the point, and all I can say is that I really do hope you don't have a cock, because otherwise, I'd tell you to take your sexist attitude and shove it up your ass (unless you enjoy that kinda thing, then I'd suggest something else).

Don't even get me started on guys and lesbian fantasies.

You know what, I will get started on that.. In my next post!

Thanks for reading.